Love, Hate, which to choose?

Y
Wednesday, March 25, 2009

These are just some voiceovers in OTH that made me think..

"You can choose to blame your circumstances

on fate or bad luck or bad choices.

Or you can fight back."

"Things aren’t always going to be fair in the real world.

That’s just the way it is.

But for the most part, you get what you give.

Rest of your life is being shaped right now.

With the dreams you chase….The choices you make….

and the person you decide to be.

The rest of your life is a long time.

And the rest of your life starts right now."

And its true..when you dont get what you want..

you only have yourself to blame..

the choices you make..

make you who you are..

Others may judge you based on those choices youve made..

and think they know you..

but do they truly..

i think not..

and one shouldnt give in based on what others think

just based on what you think is right or wrong..

The rest of your life is a long time..

and you can live it with regrets cuz of the choices you made..

or you could make the right choice

the right choice may not be the simplest

or easiest to do in the world..

most of the time its the hardest..

and sometimes when youre just lost in the darkness..

all one needs to do is just to look into you heart

for the answers..

The rest of your life is shaped right now..

each and everyday..

as you make decisions and choices..

they make you who you are today..

and who you may be in the future..

"Sometimes I wonder if anything is absolute anymore.

Is there still right and wrong? Good and bad? Truth and lies?

Or is everything negotiable, left to interpretation, gray?

Sometimes we're forced to bend the truth

to transform it because we are faced with things

that are not of our own making.

And sometimes, things simply catch up with us."

That is what happened with me..

and my relationship with Jason..

Good and bad..Truth and lies..

who's to say which or what is right or wrong..

when everyone has opinions..

different ideas and different ideals..

You see love is something that just happens..

one can fall in love and one can fall out of love..

and love..its jus part of a relationship..

there's so much more to a relationship..

trust, understanding, respect are just some aspects of it...

Love is not of our own making..it jus happens..

the rest of it..are things that are built upon it..

So i chose not to say a word to my parents..

lied to them..and decided to tell them about us

only when the time was right..

which only was too far away..

And it caught up with us..

and so did its consequences..

"Much as some of us fight it,

our parents have a mystical hold over us,

the power to affect our thoughts and emotions the way only they can.

It's a bond that changes over time, but doesn't diminish,

even if they're half a world away, or in another world entirely.

It's a power we never fully understand.

We're left only to wonder that when our time comes,

what kind of hold will we have on our children?"

When i was about 8 or 9..

i used to wonder what kind of parent i may be someday..

and everytime i felt sad or angry or frustrated

cuz of what my parents said or did..

i would write a lil note on a small piece of paper and put it in a lil box..

to god: i would nvr be like my mother to my children..

just lil notes like that..

and as i grew older, i stopped doing that..

I always wondered why..

though deep down i knew the answer..

i may be like my parents when i am one someday..

that day is a long way ahead..

and all i can hope is that

whatever hold i may have on my children then..

would be good for them..

and it would help them learn to be better people..

ECHOES, SILENCE, PATIENCE AND GRACE

Peyton: "Name a wish, place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want.

Lucas: "Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true.

You never know where the next miracle can come from, the next smile, the next wish com true."

Peyton: "But if you believe that its right around the corner.

And you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the serenity of it."

Brooke: "You just may get the thing your are wishing for."

Nathan: "The world is full of magic you just have to believe it.

So make your wish. Do you have it?"

Haley: "Good. Now believe in it with all your heart."

My wish?

i have it..

And its just for my parents to accept Jason

and to support me in whatever i do..

believe in me..

and have trust in me..

have faith in me..

that no matter what i do..

and no matter how many times i fall..

i will be fine..

and be better than before..

just as long as the ones i love..

stand by me

and with me..

That's my anything and everything..

living life the way i want..

with all the love in the world..

from the people who matter..

Some have that..some dont..

But thats all i want..

And im gonna believe in it with ALL my heart..

Thing is, if YOU dont believe in it..

it wont happen..

So take away the won't, the can't, the isn't

and Believe..=)

You may hear echoes and silence from the past..

from the way things used to be..

the way you were..

or might have been..

Now here's to the person youre becoming..

or youve become..

Patience..

and grace..

Is what you'll need.

Patience to let time make things better

perhaps to help give clarity to some..

and the Grace to find the Strength

and the strength to face it all

to deal with the worse

and to make the best of it..

things will get better and i will be fine..=)

please believe me again at 5:16 PM

Y
Sunday, March 01, 2009

i wanna lie here..
curl up in bed..
and never wake up..

my mum threw away the pancakes im guessing..
she made it without asking me..
jus cuz she knew i liked them..
but i didnt eat them when i got back home at night..
and now its gone and i feel really bad..
*sighs*
but why do smth for me without knowing if i want it or need it even or not?
i dont want your time, effort and money to go to waste..

oh well..
jus wish she didnt try so hard..
cuz i noe if i wanted it badly enough..
i would just go make some..

its happened so many times already..
and i wish she would stop being so sweet..
and trying to take care of me..
but she cant stop doing that cuz she's my mother..

P.s i wanna be in love with my best friend

please believe me again at 3:18 PM

Y
Sunday, February 01, 2009

well..its been ages since i blogged..
but honestly these days ive got nth much to blog about
i'm busy with school,baby and frens and family..
fyp has started..
proj is kinda interesting though complicated in its own way..
just hope i'll be able to pull through it

these past few days have been a hell of a roller coaster ride..
and there's been lots of highs and lows..
but through it all i learnt one thing..
you cant keep lying to yourself or fighting within yourself..
when the problem can be helped if youre honest abt it
and share it with the person you trust the most
and for me, thats my baby..

he's there for me
and he's always the one to ask for forgiveness even when its my fault..
he doesnt let me take the blame for things
and honestly sometimes i wish he did..
cuz even when we as humans make mistakes..
the mistakes eventually make us..
cuz we learn from them..
but thats just him..
he's the one who is patient
he's the one who has taught me so much..
and there's so much more abt him i cld say..
he's the sweetest and most wonderful
and i love him with all my heart and soul..

spending the last day of the 2008 with him was great..
and he always supports me in all that i do..
and i do the same for him..

he avoids doing the things i dislike..
but then again..i wish not to change him..
cuz i do love him for ALL that he is..
even if he is hot tempered..
even if he makes me cry..

cuz hey..as much as he hurts me at times..
he makes me the happiest too..
he's the BESTEST!
my One and Only!
and i love him! =D

ohh! watched vaaranam aayiram today..
its a nice movie..
i just kept thinking bout my baby Jason as always..hehe

next movie: Bride wars!!
bimbotic perhaps?..
dumb maybe?..
but a chick flick definitely!
and i love them! =D

please believe me again at 12:20 AM

Y
Sunday, November 09, 2008

Yes,...

Good times roll by..
Then they all disappear in the blink of an eye..

But why?...

Times change..
Situations change..
People change..

But if thats not the reason..
its cuz the time to be with that special someone has passed..
and its time to leave and head back home..
with the hope and faith that it is all built to last..

please believe me again at 4:36 AM

Y
Wednesday, October 29, 2008

with jus a slip on words..
everything crumbles down..

i know i havnt done everything right..
and as i cry tonight..
it hurts that i dont even have your arms around me
to console me..
to let me its ok..
and it hurts..
cuz i miss you THAT much..

i love you baby..
always will..

please believe me again at 12:53 AM

Y
Sunday, October 19, 2008

1. Get my fucking ass to sch every day of this week and be early
2. Ignore my feelings for the next two days
3. Keep busy and stop crying
4. Get that stoopid PP poster done
5. Just breathe

-Excuse the expletives
-I'm jus effing pissed/sad/blah blah blah rt nw..

i dunno anymore..
*Sighs

I want to stop crying..
but i cant..

Oh well..wadever..

I'll be fine..
Just breathe...
breathe..

I just miss you baby..

GoodBye.

please believe me again at 11:22 PM

Y
Friday, October 10, 2008

how much is too less?
how much is too much?
how much do i need it?
can i live without it?

hmM..
perhaps its time for an evalution..
time to stand on the ground by myself without the need of another..

oh well..PP sucks!
i still have the poster to do and i've to do it in a week..
discipline has nvr been my friend..but procastination always has been..
time for a change i guess..at least i'll have to try..or else i'll nvr get it done..

nothing much to be said..
except that i miss my sec sch frens..
catching up seems to nvr happen though we want it to..

time nvr stops running..
and sometimes when you dont stop running with it..
you tend to lose yourself..
especially with the people who affect who you are..

i jus want a break from everything..
i jus wanna be alone..i miss that..=)

please believe me again at 12:16 PM